This year I started off Lent in silence. I don’t just mean I
took some time on the morning of Ash Wednesday to quietly pray by myself. I
mean that for the first week of Lent I didn’t speak—at least not very much. For
several reasons, I decided that experimenting with silence would be helpful.
This post will explore some of those reasons.
I first considered practicing silence several months ago.
You may remember early on in my Mission Year experience a post about solitude
and new prayer practices I had enjoyed at a retreat one weekend. In the
extended time of silence, I had the opportunity to explore prayer,
scripture reading, meditation, and contemplation in ways that I longed to for a
while. Excited by my experiences, I continued to read about solitude and
silence and found Richard Foster’s suggestion to try it out for a day. I wanted to learn more
about myself and God through silence, and I casually tossed around the idea of
prolonged silence with my Mission Year team who supported the idea.
Time went on, and the experiment and excitement was filed
away. Now I'm reading through Foster’s classic book on spiritual disciplines, Celebration of Discipline. When I reached the chapter on solitude, I decided to take up the
idea of silence once more. The timing was perfect. The week after I read the
chapter, Lent started. And silence aligned well with the fast that my church is
practicing this Lenten season: no negative words about people (others or self).
I figured silence would be a perfect way to launch into this fast.
Why?
I was excited about silence for several reasons:
The Lord has been convicting me about my speech for several
years now. I have realized that sarcasm, playful jokes at the expense of
others, and flippant responses like “Your mom!” may seem harmless but actually
can be deeply damaging, especially over time. The way we talk to one another is so
ingrained in us that I haven’t yet found a good approach to changing it.
Silence seemed simple—and drastic—enough to make some dent.
I’ve also become more aware over the past few months of the
ways that I use speech to manipulate and convince people. I enjoy ideas, words,
and communication. That’s why I write so much. My strong grasp of how to use
language can be a tool for my selfish desires. What is a good thing can be used
toward a not good end. I've noticed I use language as a way to control conversation and
steer it where I would have it go, especially in a conversation over some
disagreement. Living in community, we have many discussions where we make group
decisions, and in those times have I realized this trend.
I fear the way I use language. My skill in communication
gives me power, and I don’t want to use it take advantage of others. So I silenced
myself. As an act of submission, as a tool to expose my speech patterns, as a
reminder to listen, I silenced myself.
Well, not totally. Mostly just within my house was I silent.
I still had to talk at work and church, and when neighbors came over I would
entertain them just the same. You may be able to imagine that it’s kind of
difficult to explain to someone why you won’t speak to them…without using
words. But whenever possible, and always when I was with my team, I was silent.
I participated normally in our weekly schedule—morning devotions, team
meetings, family dinner, grocery list-making, even curriculum
discussions!—silently.
UPDATE: Read Part II by clicking here!
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