Reflections on Solitude

Last weekend my team gathered with the two other teams in Philly to take a retreat of silence. We drove about 2 hours out of the city, past the suburbs, to the hilly countryside of rural York County, PA (on the other side of Lancaster County). Recently we’ve been reading Henri Nouwen’s book The Way of the Heart, in which he discusses the practices and stories of the Desert Fathers (and Mothers) who retreated from society in the 200s to seek the Lord with the whole of their lives, uninfluenced by the tainting effects of the world. We have discussed what we can learn from such communities and have adapted practices like a daily quiet hour every morning to allow space for solitude in our otherwise busy schedules.

These are elements of Mission Year that have been a pleasant surprise. There are many reasons I applied to MY: relocation to an under-resourced neighborhood, living in Christian community, cross-cultural church experience, work experience in a non-profit…but spiritual disciplines has surfaced as a bonus to my MY venture!

This retreat served as a culmination of all that we’ve learned so far about ancient practices in solitude. As an introvert who uses solitude and isolation often to rest and recharge, I entered the retreat excited to engage in some of the new practices I’ve learned about.

Early on in the twenty-four hour retreat I realized that I have mastered the physical aspect of solitude. I fully participate in the busy-ness of our society, and as an introvert I cope with it by retreating to my empty room. I often choose the comfort of a quiet room to the stimulation of a crowd. I’ve grown very comfortable with hanging out with just myself. While others on the retreat expressed discomfort with silence or isolation, it was normal for me.

I may have mastered the physical aspect of solitude, but the busy-ness I faced at the retreat was busy-ness of my mind. Usually in my introverted isolation, my main task is thinking. I’m constantly figuring things out, and I find peace in the solutions I come up with. Often in prayer I struggle to steady my mind and thoughts. I am so used to racing through ideas that I often find myself trying to remember how I digressed so far from the starting point. I realized that I use practices such as journaling, scripture study, and praying from lists to help focus my thoughts. I avoid open, unstructured practices because I know my mind will leave them.

Considering these things, I prayed “I need a solitude that is not so selfishly about me figuring things out. Lord, open me up, out of my head, to encounter you—not me—in solitude.”

The hours that followed were filled with practices such as breath prayer, prayers from the saints, and assuming physical positions to express the attitudes of my heart. I spent time (lots of time) clearing my mind and when I finally did, I asked, “What next?” My runaway thinking patterns finally subdued, I wanted to do something with the silence of my mind! In the face of my persistent busy-ness, I sought more patience and contentment with simplicity of prayer. I had to accept the idea of having no agenda to my time except to empty my mind.

I am excited for this process. The retreat gave me time to explore things I’ve wanted to do for a while. And ultimately my question, “What next?” is not entirely foolhardy. Nouwen writes that the objective of solitude is what he calls “prayer of the heart,” which forms and re-forms the one praying. I concluded the retreat excited to keep pushing toward transformation through prayer practices. I have committed time each week on my Friday Sabbaths to these practices, seeking the ‘way of the heart.’ As you pray for me and my team, pray not just for relationships or safety or opportunities to love others. Pray also for the formation of our hearts through encounter with God in prayer.

A Week in the Life of Mission Year

            I hope this blog entry will give you some more clarification about how my life functions while in Mission Year. Our time is rather structured, which at first was difficult for me to submit to, but after one week operating within the structure, I am beginning to see how each component is important to my experience this year. I’ll give you a brief rundown of my week and why each component is included in our schedule.

            Our week starts on Saturday. We spend the morning cleaning our house, which makes me happy. J My team isn’t particularly messy, but with seven people in the house it can get pretty messy in a week. After the house is clean, we go grocery shopping. That’s usually an ordeal. We have planned out all of our meals, so it’s a matter of collecting the necessary ingredients for each meal. We usually try to stay below $100 for all groceries for the week so that later in the week we have a cushion of $17 for anything else we need. The first week was difficult, but this week we actually have food left over, including a 10-pound bag of chicken. Saturday night we host a community dinner, inviting our neighbors to come over. This week we had three teenage girls over who we connected with right away. We had a lot of fun dining together and then played some card games afterward too.

            Sunday morning we go to church, and we have the afternoon free. People usually do laundry, read, hang out with neighbors on the porch, or write newsletters. Sunday evenings we have “points meetings,” which include several key elements: announcements from our team leader, planning groceries for the next week, and one person from our house shares their life story. I’m sharing mine this week. J Sundays we also go through our curriculum. We are all reading a set of books, and during curriculum we go through a set of questions and discuss what we’re reading.

            On Monday we start work at our service sites! I’ll probably post more about mine later, but I’m working at the Center for Digital Inclusion and Technology at an organization in West Philly. I work from 11-6, taking a trolley about 30 minutes north of my house. Even though I start work later, others in my house start at 8:30 and 9. For that reason, we have quiet hour every day at 6:00am. We rotate through sharing a brief devotion (5-15 minutes) and then we spend the rest of the hour in prayer, scripture study, and meditation. I usually take a nap between quiet hour and work. J After work on Mondays, we have a team dinner, all eating together.

            Tuesday is pretty much like Monday, but instead of team dinner we have family night, which looks different each week. Someone different plans it each week, and basically it’s meant to give us time to do something fun together that isn’t too serious. Wednesday we have Bible study at church, and on Thursday we swap between two different activities. Every other week we have training with the two other Philly MY teams, and on the other weeks we have “city-wide,” which has more of a spiritual formation emphasis, still with all MY teams in Philly.

            Friday is our Sabbath! We have nothing planned for Fridays, and we are encouraged to rest, relax, and spent time with the Lord. For your purposes, you probably know it as the day that I get on the internet. We break our technology fast every week on Fridays.

            That brings us back to Saturday! I hope this have given you a good understanding of the flow of my life. The cracks and crevices are filled with reading, journaling, silliness, deep conversations, time outside with kids and their parents, and all manner of other things. It’s a great lifestyle. I encourage you to pick one aspect of it, maybe one day or schedule item, and pray for me and my team. Thanks again for taking the time to read and follow my life!