Litany of Humility

It has been a crazy week--there is a lot going on at work and there's a lot going on in our church and neighborhood. Although there is much that I would love to write about, I offer you this week the words of another. This prayer by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930) was first introduced to me at the solitude retreat a few weeks ago. I have returned to it often since then because I constantly need to be reminded that I am here as a learner: in my neighborhood, my work site, my church, my home, and even on the street going to and from these various places! I am a learner, not considered higher than anyone else. This prayer frees my on an inclination to try to be anything else. Please pray it for me and with me.

Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged ... Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected ... Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, ... Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I ... Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease ... Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside ... Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ... Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything ... Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should … Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Reflections on Solitude

Last weekend my team gathered with the two other teams in Philly to take a retreat of silence. We drove about 2 hours out of the city, past the suburbs, to the hilly countryside of rural York County, PA (on the other side of Lancaster County). Recently we’ve been reading Henri Nouwen’s book The Way of the Heart, in which he discusses the practices and stories of the Desert Fathers (and Mothers) who retreated from society in the 200s to seek the Lord with the whole of their lives, uninfluenced by the tainting effects of the world. We have discussed what we can learn from such communities and have adapted practices like a daily quiet hour every morning to allow space for solitude in our otherwise busy schedules.

These are elements of Mission Year that have been a pleasant surprise. There are many reasons I applied to MY: relocation to an under-resourced neighborhood, living in Christian community, cross-cultural church experience, work experience in a non-profit…but spiritual disciplines has surfaced as a bonus to my MY venture!

This retreat served as a culmination of all that we’ve learned so far about ancient practices in solitude. As an introvert who uses solitude and isolation often to rest and recharge, I entered the retreat excited to engage in some of the new practices I’ve learned about.

Early on in the twenty-four hour retreat I realized that I have mastered the physical aspect of solitude. I fully participate in the busy-ness of our society, and as an introvert I cope with it by retreating to my empty room. I often choose the comfort of a quiet room to the stimulation of a crowd. I’ve grown very comfortable with hanging out with just myself. While others on the retreat expressed discomfort with silence or isolation, it was normal for me.

I may have mastered the physical aspect of solitude, but the busy-ness I faced at the retreat was busy-ness of my mind. Usually in my introverted isolation, my main task is thinking. I’m constantly figuring things out, and I find peace in the solutions I come up with. Often in prayer I struggle to steady my mind and thoughts. I am so used to racing through ideas that I often find myself trying to remember how I digressed so far from the starting point. I realized that I use practices such as journaling, scripture study, and praying from lists to help focus my thoughts. I avoid open, unstructured practices because I know my mind will leave them.

Considering these things, I prayed “I need a solitude that is not so selfishly about me figuring things out. Lord, open me up, out of my head, to encounter you—not me—in solitude.”

The hours that followed were filled with practices such as breath prayer, prayers from the saints, and assuming physical positions to express the attitudes of my heart. I spent time (lots of time) clearing my mind and when I finally did, I asked, “What next?” My runaway thinking patterns finally subdued, I wanted to do something with the silence of my mind! In the face of my persistent busy-ness, I sought more patience and contentment with simplicity of prayer. I had to accept the idea of having no agenda to my time except to empty my mind.

I am excited for this process. The retreat gave me time to explore things I’ve wanted to do for a while. And ultimately my question, “What next?” is not entirely foolhardy. Nouwen writes that the objective of solitude is what he calls “prayer of the heart,” which forms and re-forms the one praying. I concluded the retreat excited to keep pushing toward transformation through prayer practices. I have committed time each week on my Friday Sabbaths to these practices, seeking the ‘way of the heart.’ As you pray for me and my team, pray not just for relationships or safety or opportunities to love others. Pray also for the formation of our hearts through encounter with God in prayer.

A Week in the Life of Mission Year

            I hope this blog entry will give you some more clarification about how my life functions while in Mission Year. Our time is rather structured, which at first was difficult for me to submit to, but after one week operating within the structure, I am beginning to see how each component is important to my experience this year. I’ll give you a brief rundown of my week and why each component is included in our schedule.

            Our week starts on Saturday. We spend the morning cleaning our house, which makes me happy. J My team isn’t particularly messy, but with seven people in the house it can get pretty messy in a week. After the house is clean, we go grocery shopping. That’s usually an ordeal. We have planned out all of our meals, so it’s a matter of collecting the necessary ingredients for each meal. We usually try to stay below $100 for all groceries for the week so that later in the week we have a cushion of $17 for anything else we need. The first week was difficult, but this week we actually have food left over, including a 10-pound bag of chicken. Saturday night we host a community dinner, inviting our neighbors to come over. This week we had three teenage girls over who we connected with right away. We had a lot of fun dining together and then played some card games afterward too.

            Sunday morning we go to church, and we have the afternoon free. People usually do laundry, read, hang out with neighbors on the porch, or write newsletters. Sunday evenings we have “points meetings,” which include several key elements: announcements from our team leader, planning groceries for the next week, and one person from our house shares their life story. I’m sharing mine this week. J Sundays we also go through our curriculum. We are all reading a set of books, and during curriculum we go through a set of questions and discuss what we’re reading.

            On Monday we start work at our service sites! I’ll probably post more about mine later, but I’m working at the Center for Digital Inclusion and Technology at an organization in West Philly. I work from 11-6, taking a trolley about 30 minutes north of my house. Even though I start work later, others in my house start at 8:30 and 9. For that reason, we have quiet hour every day at 6:00am. We rotate through sharing a brief devotion (5-15 minutes) and then we spend the rest of the hour in prayer, scripture study, and meditation. I usually take a nap between quiet hour and work. J After work on Mondays, we have a team dinner, all eating together.

            Tuesday is pretty much like Monday, but instead of team dinner we have family night, which looks different each week. Someone different plans it each week, and basically it’s meant to give us time to do something fun together that isn’t too serious. Wednesday we have Bible study at church, and on Thursday we swap between two different activities. Every other week we have training with the two other Philly MY teams, and on the other weeks we have “city-wide,” which has more of a spiritual formation emphasis, still with all MY teams in Philly.

            Friday is our Sabbath! We have nothing planned for Fridays, and we are encouraged to rest, relax, and spent time with the Lord. For your purposes, you probably know it as the day that I get on the internet. We break our technology fast every week on Fridays.

            That brings us back to Saturday! I hope this have given you a good understanding of the flow of my life. The cracks and crevices are filled with reading, journaling, silliness, deep conversations, time outside with kids and their parents, and all manner of other things. It’s a great lifestyle. I encourage you to pick one aspect of it, maybe one day or schedule item, and pray for me and my team. Thanks again for taking the time to read and follow my life!

Details!

So here it is! The full and complete answer to the question I’ve gotten so many times, “What will you be doing?”

Well, of course I can’t answer that question fully and completely, but I now have exciting details such as what neighborhood I’ll live in, what church I’ll attend, where I will be working during the week, and who is on my Mission Year team! Take notes so that you have specific people and places to pray for!

Where?

I’m going to live in Southwest Philadelphia (click here for a map)! My neighbors will mostly be African and African-American, mostly working class. Many of the homes there are in the style of “row houses,” where the long, narrow homes are lined up side by side down the block, with a very small front yard and a stoop leading straight to the sidewalk. I will live down the street from my…

…Church!

I will attend Grace Christian Fellowship (visit their website here), “a non-denominational Christian fellowship dedicated to spreading the good news of Jesus Christ and His resurrection to all men, women, boys, and girls.” It has grown from a small Bible study of 22 in the home of Rev. Cean R. James in 2005 to a growing congregation of 250 with a permanent home on Grays Avenue in Southwest Philly. They are committed to reaching the people of their neighborhood with the gospel.

Service Site

I will be serving at the People’s Emergency Center (PEC) (check out their website), an organization that “nurtures families, strengthens neighborhood, and drives change. We are committed to increasing equity and opportunity throughout our entire community. We provide comprehensive supportive services to homeless women and their children, revitalize our West Philadelphia neighborhood, and advocate for social justice.” The services they offer range from emergency, transitional, and permanent housing to employment training, to childcare and healthcare. In addition, PEC is involved in developing and rehabilitating affordable housing and spurring the growth of business in West Philly. They also advocate for policies that protect the working poor and homeless. Although the details are not yet set in stone, I'll be working in the digital literacy programs designed to "bridge the digital divide." (visit the digital literacy website) I'm very excited to join alongside what PEC is doing to pursue change in West Philadelphia!

Finally…

Team Members!

These are the people I’ll be living with for the next year! I am excited to be able to experience so much with them in the next year. We will pray together, be discipled together, eat together, walk together, learn to love in so many new ways, and so much more! Learn their names and faces by visiting their personal donation pages:

Priscilla Bui

Walter Levi Wawra

Sophilia Hubbard

Denise Lee

Nicole Roberts

and my alum team leader, Isabella Fout

Start following their blogs now and over the course of the year get a different angle on my life in Philadelphia, through their eyes!

When?

Here’s my somewhat complicated schedule:

• Visit Atlanta friends August 30-Sept 6
• Mission Year national orientation in Houston Sept 6-Sept 11
• Mission Year Philly orientation Sept 11~Sept 18
• Start living the Mission Year life ~Sept 18!

Thanks so much for praying through these things and taking the time to walk with me along my MY journey.